Horse’s A Goes to See Horses…eh?


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You know, sometimes a family just needs to get away and enjoy some quality time together. For yours truly, the titular Horse’s A, and his family, this weekend was that time. Leaving our home in Walla Walla, Washington, we packed up the Reese Rambler and headed toward Chincoteague, Virginia. Why? Well that’s the home of the world famous Chincoteague Wild Ponies…not some football team, nay, real ponies that poop real poop and attract large numbers of tourists who apparently have never seen horses before…ever.

My wife, upon whose judgment we normally and rightfully rely, made the mind-blowingly…that’s right, I just created an adverb, deal with it…incorrect call to ask me to be the one to drive. It’s on record that I abhor driving. Not my driving, per se, but the driving of other people. The people who go under the speed limit, those that make turns that would be impressive in video games, but not so much in real life, and…bridges.

horse 3             We had to cross the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, a remarkably well constructed bridge and one that doesn’t have a tendency to catastrophically collapse, but, being a bridge, drew my angst and ire to a fever pitch. It is also a large bridge that spans, by my calculations, forty-three miles over the water (EDITOR’S Note: The bridge is actually 4.3 miles long. The Author is NOT to be trusted with decimal points). We cross the bridge while I test the ultimate limits of the Depends underwear bought for this specific point in our journey and we finally reach Chincoteague.

It should be noted at this time that we had an absolutely lovely time in Chincoteague and its neighboring island Assateague, which is actually where the ponies can be found. It should also be noted at this time that no one reads this blog to find out that everything was wonderful and nothing went awry. That being said, we arrive at our hotel and dump our things…including the aforementioned Depends underwear and being our tourism bit. We begin on Main Street and backtrack towards Maddox Blvd…which is actually the Main Street, but whatever. We begin to realize that the mean age of the population is somewhere between eighty-five and the age of those who actually witnessed the Civil War. And they are chatty…all of them.

I’m not really a people person, being socially awkward, and the concept of trying and subsequently failing to come up with ways to not seem to be the horribly awkward person I am makes me nauseous. But I’m there with my beloved girls so I have to be the father and husband so I make nice-nice. We spent a reasonable amount of time buying up trinkets and had a genuinely great time looking at the sights and sounds of the city…er…town…uh village. We then decided to go visit the Assateague Lighthouse, which is located on an elevated section of what can only be described as a swamp.

horse 2              The lighthouse itself was a pleasure to see and it was even fun to get to the top and get a remarkable view of the surrounding area. When we got back to terra firma, my thighs filed for divorce on the grounds of torture and I reluctantly agreed. Then, as I stood before the entrance to the lighthouse, I remembered my kollej edumakashun that reminded me what kinds of bugs were around swamps. Yep, mosquitos. And guess who completely forgot to bring bug spray? Yep, me. So there we are, running down the hill, waving our hands, and generally looking like fools attempting to, unsuccessfully, evade the mosquitos of doom.

Alright, well, so we are now somewhat more bumpy (thanks to the bites) than when we began this trip, but hey, let’s go to the beach and relax. It’s about sixty-five degrees and quite windy. We’ve neglected to bring some sort of protection from the sun so we bought a beach umbrella. So there I am trying to secure an unfurled beach umbrella into the sand during wind gusts measured up to 165 mph (EDITOR’S Note: Look, we’ve been through this, people. Decimals and this lame brain author do not get along well together, so slap a period between the six and the five and you should be in the correct ballpark).

horse 6              Well, I fail miserably to keep possession of our beach umbrella as it floated off towards the NASA station just down the road. I’m sure they had to fire a rocket or something at it for practice so I prefer to think of my feeble and unsuccessful efforts to control my umbrella as a unique testing opportunity for my Country. You’re welcome. Luckily, my wife bought sandwiches so I do what I do best…eat copious amounts of non-healthy food. I am pleased to announce that that endeavor was a complete success!

horse 4              As I alluded to earlier, we had a really good time in Chincoteague and Assateague. We suffered no fatalities and we were able to launch a new satellite into the lower atmosphere of the Earth. Oh…and I met up with an old friend of mine named Noxzema…I forgot sunscreen so I’ll be doing a lobster impression for the next few days. Available for parties should you need a lobster impersonator! At the very least I can try to…

WAIT! Nope, can’t end this article without wishing my lovely bride a very happy birthday. Love you, honey and thank you for helping me every day in at least attempting to…

Be Good or Be Good At It!

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