Hello, Friends. My name is Alan Reese. You may know me from the Be Good or Be Good At It! blog published every Monday and Thursday. I’m normally pretty light-hearted about things, but I’ve recently discovered something that has horrified me, and I think it’s time that you and I band together and defeat the evil known as…Prepositional Discrimination!
We know how hard words have it these days. They grow up in homes that tend to separate consonants and vowels, with only the backstabbing Y able to hang around both groups. And then, as they get older, the letters combine to form words. But not all words are treated equally, unfortunately. I, of course, speak of Prepositions.
Oh sure, we love to use them, but Prepositions are never allowed to gain the glory and acceptance for which they have been horribly overlooked…the ability to finish a sentence. When they are young, Prepositions dream of being “The Closer” to bring a sentence to its glorious conclusion. But do we let them? NO! Since the word bigot Jon Dryden decreed that no preposition should ever end a systems, generations of prepositions have been discriminated against and it’s time we band together to raise Prepositional Awareness.
What I am about to bring to your attention are real stories about prepositions that, thanks to our Prepositional Discrimination, have not been able to live their dreams of completing sentences, and have fallen by the wayside. These stories are real, but are you really human enough to hear them?
Here are some tragic examples. You remember In? In’s has been in and out of halfway houses for years given his not being allowed to finish sentences. Out has been down and out and On has been on government aid for the past fifteen years. And Around? Around’s been addicted to food due to Prepositional Discrimination and has been getting fatter and fatter by the day. Down has been clinically depressed and is currently seeking treatment. Won’t someone help?
And who could forget Toward? Toward’s been forced to do some untoward things in back alleys because he was consistently overlooked for sentence closing duty. And who could turn a blind eye to the word sex shops that have taken advantage of innocent prepositions like Behind, Underneath and everyone’s favorite Between? All victims of Prepositional Discrimination.
Across has been taken small jobs in religious organizations, but its not enough to pay the bills. Past and After are in perpetual states of melancholy, and Through is on suicide watch as he is threatening to end it all if he can’t finish a sentence. To and At have given up hope and are just wandering the streets. How can we possibly change the social climate to allow for these words to get their rights respected and their authority to finish sentences restored?
I spoke with Jane Reyaht, a former Montana school teacher and current word activist about the current state of prepositions and how we resolve these issues. “The first thing to do is to achieve awareness socially of the situation. Then we have to convince the Prepositions themselves that they are worth the equal of the other words and that they should have more self-respect.”
Sadly, not all of the Prepositions agree. Against has been downright obstinate in his stance that Prepositions should just accept their fate and not create more attention to themselves. Along and Among have been on a short list of those who share this idea of simple acceptance of their fate, and that no amount of social activism is going to improve their lot in life.
Regardless of your stance on this issue, it is time that we at least sit down and discuss the plight of the Prepositions. Are they to suffer and never be able to complete a sentence? How many Under and Over’s need to die before we realize there is a problem? So please join me and the Prepositional Awareness Group, or PAG, and support our efforts to help the Prepositions. Remember, a Preposition is a terrible thing to waste. So join us and continue to…
Be Good or Be Good At It!