I’ve never been a great golfer. No, that’s too obvious. I’ve never been a good golfer…still not the case. I’ve always associated golf with many other four letter words that I won’t repeat in this, a family blog. Yes, that’s more fitting. I greatly respect those who can play the game and not walk off the course with a pending restraining order against them placed by the course manager in question. That’s why I took some amount of solace in knowing that I wasn’t the guy who had the worst day on a golf course.
Stephen Martinez is an independent contractor who is hired to retrieve golf balls from water hazards on golf courses. He then sells those balls back to the clubs, presumably for use on the driving range where they are hit at moving targets in golf ball retrieving vehicles (sort of a circle of life thing). Well, Mr. Martinez was retrieving golf balls from a water hazard on the Bonaventure Country Club course in Weston, Florida. He was digging his hand into the mud and feeling around for golf balls when all of a sudden he felt a chomp-chomp on his hand.
Yes, he was being attacked by a ten foot alligator on a golf course. The sounds of Daniel Powter’s Bad Day song goes running in my head and I just say to myself, “Poor guy, I hope he’s okay. It’s not his fault, could have happened to anyone.”
Until I find out the truth.
It’s happened to him before. And not ‘one time back in high school,’ no, it happened to him just five short years ago. Then it was just a wee eight foot alligator attacked him and resulted in twelve puncture wounds.
Now I have an issue.
Look, I have never claimed to be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but if I had been viciously attacked by an alligator while trying to retrieve golf balls, I would decide that a different career path is definitely needed. I mean really, are you telling me that this occupation is ALL you can do? Are you deemed by society to be stupid enough to only have on your list of job qualifications a proclivity to golf ball retrieval and a statistical tendency to be attacked by animals closely related to dinosaurs?
Surely there is something else that isn’t so potentially dangerous. Miley Cyrus’ Underwear Launderer? Justin Bieber’s Health Assistant? Both equally likely to encounter all sorts of things harmful to the human body. But, unless there has been a story broken prior to the publishing of this article, there is not a good chance of becoming alligator food in either of those jobs.
Look, we all need a way to make a living, but if I’ve been attacked by an alligator while retrieving golf balls, I’m not going to be stupid enough to keep doing it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go stick my face in an electric fan and then do it again hoping I don’t get injured. At least with that I can…
Be Good or Be Good At It!
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