Part 8: A Game of King of the Hill


king

Picture courtesy of imgarcade.com

“Donald, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” said El Presidente Reese, clearly dejected at having to converse about anything other than fun and actions taken to ensure fun continues. “Honestly, I’ve never heard of this Shadow character and think that maybe you’ve been experimenting with some of the fine mushrooms cultivated on our fine island.”

shadow

Who was this Shadow guy? (Photo: fuelyourphotography.com)

Donald Hiram had met El Presidente earlier in the morning outside of his beach house and the two had been driving towards, what Reese assured him, was a very fun place. El Presidente had been rather dismissive towards Donald when the events of the previous night was described to him. The identity of this “Shadow” or the existence of an organization seeking to overthrow the current regime didn’t seem to concern him much.

Instead, the dictator seemed to be focusing most of his attention on driving to the location he was currently describing to his public relations specialist. “You see, Donald, we are going to the official King of the Hill Championship Stadium, and the only one officially sponsored by the United States Military…or at least I think it is, or it was created by them for some reason or another. Regardless, Donald my boy, you’ll love it!”

The jeep came to a stop at a wooden gate with a simple wooden sign with the misspelled phrase, “King of Da Hyll Stadum” written in red paint. Reese got out and remove the plastic spoon that was acting as the official “lock” of the not-so-secured facility.

“Well, c’mon Donald my boy, we haven’t got all day. I’m anxious to show this to you. You’ll be absolutely amazed!” What Donald saw did, in fact, amaze him.

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Birubegja’s official King of the Hill court. (Photo: atlasobscura.com)

They found themselves at the edge of a great circular “field” that appeared to be made entirely out of concrete. The elevation gradually increased towards the center, with the exact center being roughly twenty feet higher than the edge of the circle. There was a large, ten foot pole coming out of the center of the concrete and this appeared to represent the spot to which players would fight to get.

Trying to understand the scale and amount of concrete used to create this stadium for a kid’s game, Donald kept looking around him and was finally able to talk. “So you built this huge facility to play King of the Hill?”

pole

Official King of the Hill Pole Interior (Photo: wctproducts.com)

Reese chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. “No, no, we did nothing of the sort. As I alluded to, the United States Military built the thing, for one reason or another and we just stuck in a hollow pole in the middle to serve as a goal. But don’t you like it? It’s huge, is it not? By our measurements, the diameter of the “field” is a full one hundred thousand feet. Trust me, the winner of this game doesn’t have an easy time of it.”

Donald continued to keep turning himself around while trying to appreciate the situation. “You said the US Military built this? And you simply added the pole in the center?”

Reese just nodded. “Yep, the boys at the shipyard had an extra mast to a Sunfish craft and they provided it to act as the goal. I simply had a hole dug in the center of the dome and the pole installed in the center. Pretty neat, huh?”

Being scared.

Military built what?! (Photo: sodahead.com)

Suddenly, as if a dog realizing that catching his own tail is not a pleasant achievement, Donald’s face turned from one of being perplexed to one of abject horror. “Wait, you said the military built this? And you dug a hole in the center? Tell me you fully covered up the hole you dug, yes? And the pole? It is fully covered, right?”

El Presidente just shook his head. “Nope, that’s the beauty of it. We kept the pole hollow so that if someone ran into it, it wouldn’t hurt as much. See? That’s some good thinking right there.”

Donald swallowed hard. “Do you know what this place is? Are you not familiar with nuclear tests like those the US conducted on pacific islands? The military buried all the radioactive stuff resulting from nuclear tests into this hole here and covered it up with concrete assuming it would never be disturbed. You decided to dig a hole in it and stick a hollow pole in it to act as a straw so that the radioactive waste can escape. You are poisoning your people and causing irreparable harm to the entire island!”

radioactive

I knew there was a reason I was growing a tail. (Picture: pablo787.deviantart.com)

El Presidente looked confused and then just shrugged. “Oh well, my bad. If you’re hungry, I know a great place nearby. Let’s take a break and grab a bite. I’m famished!”

(Continued in Part 9)

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