I am starting to believe I may be a vampire. No, not one of the attractive ones from movies that young girls watch nowadays, but more like the Bram Stoker variety. Here’s why…
- I eat my steak rare…really rare: Yes, it’s true. When I find myself at a restaurant that serves steak, I inevitably order it and request that it be cooked “still quivering.”
- Not really an outdoor kind of guy: Given the choice, yes, I’d rather be inside, preferably playing video games or watching TV. Perhaps it’s not a matter of just being lazy, but perchance the level of undiagnosed vampirism prohibits prolonged exposure to the sun for fear of actually turning to dust and ceasing to be.
- I have no reflection: Okay, this one takes a little explanation…I used to have a reflection, a not-so-bad reflection, to be honest. But as I’ve gotten older, I think that reflection has disappeared in favor of picture of a model for various “Big and Tall” stores. Nearest that I can figure, once the vampirism took over, whoever hands out figurative ID card for vampires simply replaced my image with that of someone least likely to arouse suspicion…or anything else.
- Pale skin color: Yep, most definitely. Sure, some of you might say this is directly related to not spending time enough in the sun, and it’s not a bad idea. Only I know that truth that all of my blood was drained somehow as I was sleeping and replaced with the syrup found in red colored Flav-O-Ice unfrozen Popsicles.
- I sleep in a coffin: Well, alright, not literally in a coffin, but the way I figure it, I have my setting on the ‘ol Sleep Number Bed, pretty high so that a firm mattress counts as coffin sleep, yes?
How about you? Any fellow monsters out there?