I have always been on record (wow, that sounds official but it isn’t) in professing my respect for those who serve to protect others. Heck, in reality I respect anyone who carries a gun and is even within earshot of my personal…well…person. I have to admit, however, that our Secret Service is providing us with a lot of entertainment.
First there was the time that a deranged man scaled the fence at the White House and gained entry into the White House. All the while the Secret Service was doing a reenactment of the Monty Python and the Holy Grail scene where the guards aren’t sure what to do…funny scene:
Then there was the incident where a dozen secret service agents hired prostitutes in 2012 during a presidential trip to Colombia. Good time, good times. Look, I get it. You’re big, burly guys far from home. You’re licensed to carry guns that make people go dead. You get to wear wires coming out of your ears that make it look like you’re paid spokesmen for Miracle Ear. Pretty cool. But I do have some question about your choice of prostitute:
Finally we have the latest incident. According to AFP, on March 4th, two Secret Service agents got all drunky drunky at a party for a retiring agent. Their commander refused to issue them a sobriety test and sent them on their merry way.
Meanwhile at the White House, a woman walked up to an agent at the entrance and said she had a bomb. Agents tried to stop her (apparently by saying “Stop or I’ll say Stop again!) but failed and she escaped the area after dropping a suspicious package. The agents there quickly roped off the area around the package.
Enter our drunken agent heroes. I’ll name them Otis and Dean for Otis from the Andy Griffith Show and Dean, for Dean Martin, everyone’s favorite drunk. Still buzzing from booze, they drove straight through the tape marked “Do Not Cross” and stopped right next to the suspicious package, which could have gone Blamo had it been a real bomb.
Look, I know its a stressful job, but this is downright laughable. Why not hire the man who has been serving his boss faithfully for years and is smart enough to not concern himself with minor matters. Let us bring to head up our new Secret Service the man who is synonymous with being a professional guard…
(P.S…the picture of the prostitute above is that of Mr. Bean, Rowan Atkinson…still funny).