Stop Sticking Your Bumper!


I don’t quite know what to make of people who put bumper stickers on their cars. On the one hand, maybe some are parents who are super proud of their kids and can’t wait to shove it in the face of those driving behind them (example being My Kid is an Honor Student at Idontgiveadamn High). On the other hand, maybe people who put bumper stickers on their car are simply arrogant, self-righteous egomaniacs who enjoy forcing their views and values on the unsuspecting public.

              For the purpose of this article, I’ll touch on the second hand because I’m cheap and always buy things second hand as opposed to new. One of the ones that bugs me the most are those with specific causes for which I simply couldn’t care less. A great example of this are those pesky vegetarian bumper stickers. Look, I don’t care of you do or don’t eat meat. No, I mean it. I REALLY don’t care. So buzz off! I don’t need some leaf licker telling me how nasty I am that I consume animals that were recently walking around thinking what a nice day it is. I may be nasty, but I don’t need anyone bringing it to my attention…so pass the burgers!

              Another one that gets me are those dumb marathon distance bumper stickers. Look, I get it. Some people get their jollies by demonstrating they’ve mastered the art of fleeing using bipedal motion. Wonderful. Congratulations. If you care so much about your ability to get along without cars, sell yours and get off the road. On a positive note, the sticker does provide helpful information to would-be vehicular manslaughter criminals in you telling them the maximum distance they’d have to chase you on foot before you’d be unable to continue your attempt at escape.

             Finally we have the candidate stickers. These can be irritating because they either show you are a frontrunner chaser who can’t wait to show you’re one of the pack or you pick the loser because you are a nut who can’t wait to back someone who clearly doesn’t have the pulse of the populace. The argument can be made that one could simply remove the sticker, but let’s be honest…that’s not easy so we don’t do it.

The point is stop it with the bumper stickers. None of us care, and in a time where traffic is increasing and patience is decreasing, don’t give people who drive behind you yet another reason to believe you should not be allowed on the road. You’ve already demonstrated that by driving with your turn signal on for the last twenty miles.

                                                                                     Happy Motoring!

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