DNC, RNC, WWE


Growing up in the 80’s and enjoying most of the 90’s I remember having lots of fun watching the WWE (back then it was called the WWF until a wildlife fund decided it didn’t want people to confuse the animals on the screen with the animals in the woods) Wrasslin’ shows. The “Attitude Era” of the World Wrestling Entertainment organization was far and away the best time to be a wrasslin’ fan. As I look at the modern political landscape, however, I can’t help but be reminded that we haven’t strayed far from that tried and true formula in our field of political candidates.

Most of the candidates we can dismiss pretty much off the bat as having a better chance to discover personal humility than to actually become president. You know that the far right and the far left are going to be really popular in their hometown districts, but the fact that they really belong on some planetary comet heading to the sun precludes them from really having a shot at becoming president.

The more popular candidates however, are reminding me more and more of the good ‘ol days of professional wrestling. Donald Trump, for instance, is taking the Stone Cold Steve Austin route of saying whatever he wants and giving the double finger salute to the establishment. Like Austin, Trump is having success in this anti-establishment role. I can just hear some sort of theme song he’d march up to the podium with…

Who is the Dissident?
Who can he be?
I am the Dissident,
Shut up and look at me!

              On the other side, we have Hillary Clinton. She’s playing the role of Vince McMahon; the overbearing owner of the WWE, whose character is to have no humor and revel in trying to twist issues and people to conform to her particular whim. She’s utterly devoid of personality and her habit of deleting potential government emails provide a nice twist during this heel turn (no, that’s not an attack on her looks, say the thickness of her ankles, rather in wrasslin’, Heel = Bad Guy, Face = Good Guy).

Regardless of which side you are on, or if you are like me and don’t give a rat’s behind, you have to admit both cut a heck of a promo. What we need now though is for the other insignificant candidates to form some cliques and stables to pick up the leavings of the major players. Maybe have Jindal and Santorum form some sort of Degeneration X sort of stable along with O’Malley and Webb.

Let’s get Chris Christie to form up with Mark Everson as the new Brothers of Destruction. I mean what could be scarier than a former IRS Commissioner and a man who revels at eating his own foot when he puts it in his mouth. Imagine the possibilities, people!

Finally, how about a steel cage match between Biden and Bush? Maybe make it a “retirement match” where the loser is forced to retire and go away forever. Let’s be honest, we all know that their careers are going to dissipate like the level of my sanity anyway.

And don’t get me started about setting up an “Inferno Match” between Bernie Sanders and Ted Cruz…just to hear Good ‘Ol Jim Ross call it a “Snobberknocker!”

“This debate is a good ‘ol fashion Slobberknocker!”

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