No Living With Her After This


What a strange turn of events this is. When my wife and I were married almost twelve years ago, I never envisioned that she would become famous overnight. And yet here we are. I am the proud husband of the 2015 Horse Themed Hat Contest Champion of the Virginia Gold Cup. Our lives have been indelibly changed forever.

              Sure, my wife has always been very talented with her crafts and such. She’s forever creating beautiful pieces of art out of seemingly meaningless tidbits found around the house. Be it buttons, pipe cleaners, wine corks, you name it…there’s always to be something cute and campy that will be the result of her transformation efforts.

For years we’ve been lucky enough to spend one or two days out of the year at the Virginia Gold Cup with our family and friends. It’s a wonderful day of horse racing, minor betting (we don’t actually bet minors because the ante would usually be a toddler and who’s got change for a kindergartner lying around?) and watching drunk people in their natural habitat. It’s a truly wonderful spectator sport.

             Part of the experience involves my lovely wife, Brooke, putting all her crafts know-how together with a regular plain-old hat of some sort, and creating a wearable work of art that is both completely impractical and creatively wonderful. Being the doting husband I am, I implored her to enter the hat in the hat contest, thinking it would a fun thing for her.

Certainly to no surprise to me, she won the Horse Themed Hat Contest. I was, and am, so proud of her. This will, of course, result in the end of our marriage. Oh sure, I know you are probably saying that I just can’t abide my wife being famous while I get no recognition whatsoever. Clearly that is not the case. I just know that this victory will lead to many things…huge media junkets, interviews on late night television, probably a movie deal or at least a Lifetime movie about her starring Judith Light. The skies the limit for her and I’m reasonably sure she won’t need a broken down guy like me hanging around.

Guess I’ll start a-packin’… Is the French Foreign Legion still a “thing?”

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